Like many Harvard institutions (such as the Kroks, Hasty Pudding Theatricals, Din & Tonics, etc), the Hooligans took a trip to the tropics over Spring Break. But unlike other groups, we didn’t have to sing and dance like idiots.
We drank rum and searched for sea-shells. Sometimes we only pretended to search for sea-shells, while we’re actually searching for topless women and mermaids. Hunchback said he saw a mermaid, but we told him that he was drunk from a bottle of Fire in De Hole Rum. Fire in De Hole is a local concoction that makes Hunchback see mermaids. In fact, half the hooligans were so convinced that they had spotted a mermaid one night that they ripped off their own clothes and charged the ocean. Two nearly drowned.
Other excitement included a 3-hour Easter Sunday Service. Apparently Christianity is not doing so well in the Bahamas because we were pretty much the only people in the church (except for the minister’s wife and eight children). We hoped to hear some soulful singing, but instead all we heard was a woman playing a flute. We were also disappointed when the minister canceled the annual Easter Egg Hunt because he was “too tired.”
Local transportation was also a delight. Just before boarding our airplane, the flight attendant asked how much each of us weighed. We told Hillbilly (who is the fattest in the group) that he should probably stay behind. But he refused, and so we all had to risk our lives. Hillbilly is a selfish person.
We gave a guy at the airstrip some cash to borrow his white van for the week. Unfortunately it was tough to pile 11 people into a 6-person vehicle so a few of the groupies had to sit in the trunk. The good thing about sitting in the trunk is that you can’t see oncoming traffic (our driver had a couple close calls before he figured out that they drive on the left side of the road there). But the bad thing about sitting in the trunk is that you have the back speakers blaring into your ears.
Our villa and private beach were beautiful from a distance. Trouble with the beach was the razor sharp rocks. Housewife Hooligan cooked some terrible grub, but we ate it anyway because we didn’t want to hurt his feelings. We even said thank you and tried to smile. But then someone had too much rum and it turned out that he didn’t like the food as much as he pretended.
Anyway, we look forward to returning to the island of Eleuthera again next year. Hopefully the mermaids remember us.
