Unlike girls who spend months deliberating over what “to be” for Halloween (usually trying to decide between a half-naked pirate or a half-naked nurse), Hooligans only spend a few hours finding whatever crap is in their closets.
It took Hillbilly a good four minutes to grow out his mullet and throw on a tattered t-shit. Housewife, very conscientious about his appearance, transformed himself in Hermes by using a blanket as a cape and computer paper for “wings.” Hunchback, ever the superior European, dressed as a colonialist by putting on a penis-shaped cap and carrying a golf club. Hairy went as Waldo by spray-painting his shirt with red stripes. I’ve been Zorro ever since I was 11-years-old and this year was no exception. Except my “Zorro” mask is now three sizes too small and my sword looks more like a dagger (they didn’t let us carry “real looking weapons” in elementary school).
After putting on our “costumes,” we set off on a holy Halloween pilgrimage to Salem, MA. We managed to distract ourselves from the horrible traffic by making scary faces at fellow drivers.
Although Salem was once famous for killing witches, it’s more progressive now. Witches wearing hardly any clothes now run rampant in its streets. There are also hoards of goblins, Jokers, monsters, and gothic people.
Hairy (aka “Waldo”) had the most popular costume in town. As we walked through the crowded streets, people shouted joyfully, “I finally found Waldo!” or “I wasted four years of my childhood searching for Waldo.” All the scantily clad nurses wanted to take photos with Waldo. Hairy had a very merry Halloween.
We returned to campus before midnight in order to avoid getting murdered, and spent the remainder of the night drinking from a cauldron at the Lampoon’s Halloween Party.
