Housewife and Hillbilly Hooligans with American Bond girl
At precisely 10:15 pm, we fastened our cummerbunds and straightened our bow ties in order to look presentable for the midnight showing of James Bond’s latest film, Quantum of Solace. We had already wasted our afternoon watching the film’s trailer 34 times on apple.com. Although Hunchback hooked his computer up to our massive speaker system to enhance the explosions, the low-def video quality didn’t do the Bond girls justice.
For this reason, we invited some lady friends to dress up as Bond girls and join us for Martinis before the premiere. Hillbilly became angry when they arrived late, wearing jeans instead of low-cut dresses. Because these “ladies” failed to follow dress code, Hillbilly made them drink Coors beer. Meanwhile, Hunchback blasted the Bond theme song at full volume in an effort to create a “European disco-tech” in our room.
By the time we arrived at the movie theater, Housewife was highly intoxicated and about to wet his tuxedo pants in excitement. “Name’s Bond, James Bond!” he kept shouting at sober women while pointing a finger-gun at them. This hit-on line proved far less effective than the one that Bond delivered in the movie: “I can’t find my stationery. Will you come and help me look for it?”
Although the Quantum of Solace was faithful to the Bond formula (guns, girls, and gadgets), we left the theater disappointed. Housewife complained that the action moved too quickly for his drunken eyes to follow. I had been deafened by the “European disco-tech” and was unable to hear the one-liners. And Hillbilly was unable to identify any of the foreign locations.
I guess we’ll have to go again after we get our tuxedos back from the dry-cleaners.
