The Harvard Hooligans

Winthrop Heroes of Harvard Hockey

Last night Housewife Hooligan invited me to join Winthrop House’s intramural ice-hockey team on the rink across the river. My only prior experience with Harvard hockey was watching “Love Story.” But I also watched Mighty Ducks I, II, and III as a child so I believed that anything was possible.  In Disney movies, even fat kids can be athletic champions!

With a “borrowed” pair of rusty skates from the Law School Rink and a left-handed stick, I hobbled onto the fresh ice.  The legendary general manager of Winthrop IMs, Sir Anthony Niblett, gave me a fist bump and encouraged me “to beat the beans” out of our opponents. Sir Niblett led Winthrop House to its first Strauss Cup victory in decades last year, and he is determined repeat the feat.  “Remember,” he whispers, “hockey is a physical game.”

With this in mind, I sat down on the bench.  Beginners on our team don’t get to play unless we’ve already secured a 10-point lead.

Housewife Hooligan, however, dominated the ice during the first period.  He is a large man with only mediocre skating skills–a dangerous, yet common, combination in hockey.  He tripped a few of our opponents with his stick when the officials weren’t watching.

When the score was Winthrop 11 and Lev 1, Sir Niblett told me that my time had come.  I burst onto the ice with more passion in my heart than a caged dragon.  After about sixteen seconds I nearly collapsed from exhaustion. So I decided to strategically place myself in front of the opponent’s goal.  Whenever Housewife launched a slap-shot from the blue line, I was there for the “rebound” when it bounced for the goalie’s ridiculously large pads. The gods of puck physics allowed me to score twice.

It was yet another glorious day for Winthrop House IM’s.